Okay, I know I have written about this before (thats why its part 2 dummy) but I have now been driving for and a half months a bit more and I am more aware of what the whole thing is about - Zen course, with a smidgen (kortov) of thown in!
It is important to mention the animals first, and there are many animals of course; dogs, pigs, monkeys, an elephant! Chickens, crows, and of course the ever present supreme ruler of the road and anyplace else; The Sacred Cow! Cows have automatic right of way, after all, they are holy. And they take their right of way, they walk into the middle of the road with no consideration or care for vehicles of any size, shape, direction or speed. Sometimes they just stop in the middle of the road and in the early morning they are often found to be sleeping on the road as it is apparently warmer than not-road. You either have to wait for them to move - which may not be this week, or you can try to manouver around them which is not always easy with oncoming traffic. The Indian drivers are less considerate of the cows than most Westerners and bear down on them hooting loudly which the cows of course ignore. Somehow though, we do all manage to get round them and continue on our way. The dogs are in many ways worse than the cows which although they are sacred, are also terribly stupid and cowishly ignorant that anything is going on around them. The dogs however, seem, unlike dogs everywhere else, treat you the driver with absolute disdain and ignore you deliberately obviously hoping that as you near them you will panic, lose control and end up at the side of the road in a burning wreck - well that is the impression they give (as an aside let me say that it seems to me that the mdogs, usually reffered to as "pariah dogs" are becoming increasingly feral and in a couple of generations India will be flooded with their own homegrown variety of dingo - thats only my opinion of course but who knows the wonders of nature - the fuckers can be really agressive at night when you are alone). And a week ago on the road from cochin to Munnar we were passed by a work elephant dragging a log through the center of town (Don't ask how it passed us!).
Okay, now we come to simple rules of the road - traffic lights, stop signs, circles, right of way, driving on the left, policemen! All recommendations - you should never feel obliged to obey them - the Indians dont! As you drive along with your Israeli (Yes, even Israeli) driving habits of more often than not obeying the law, you are lost, you are non existant, are dead in the middle of the road! If there is a policeman around he will often look amazed that you are obeying some stupid rule such as keeping to the left lane even though the right one is empty! And if you are a traveller from a land where people do not look Indian and do not speak any of the 13 (!) local languages or 200 odd dialects you do not want to be involved in an accident - you are automatically to blame, no need to discuss this, its your fault because you are so very rich! You may get to a traffic light which is green and find that you are the only one who cares as other drivers cut you off from every direction, you may be driving along a highway (and I only call them highways because the locals do - some of them are like a back road leading to the back of beyond on the road less traveled) and you will meet a bus barreling down your lane as he overtakes a truck on a blind hairpin turn and all you can do is get off the road and hope there is a hard shoulder.
And of course there are roadsigns, generally those giving directions will be in English, not all the time of course but enough to help you (with a measure of Zen) to get to where you are going. But that is not enough so i will give you a couple of examples; two nights ago we arrived from Kottayam to Aleppi by ferry the tale of getting the Enfield on and off the ferry would be a chapter on its own and a picture being worth a thousand words I will try to send one) after dark when I dont usually like to drive as the Indians have to positions on their light switch, bright and off and they use them both at night. but we had been recommended a hotel by Uri ( we met him in Cochin where he had come to make sure his daughter was not having too good a time) and even though we were offered hotels nearby I insisted on going to Uris hotel, after all, he is an Israeli! (Never trust the recommendation of an Israeli over 30). So we phoned and they had an empty room and we were in. But where was the hotel? Oh, about 13 kms from here, just get on the National Highway and then turn left and ask. And I did, and without one wrong turn and after much twisting and winding and avoiding homicidal and suicidal Indians and negotiating a goat track on the banks of a river and all this in the dark we were there (and despite my recriminations against Uri it was a charming place with awesome food for my sister Paula, not for me) but it was not suitable for a stay of less than a week. how did I get there, I am certainly not the worlds best navigator. Zen!
And today I wanted to buy stamps so I hopped onto my trusty Enfield, drove about 3 kms and stopped by a ricksha driver (they know more about how to get there than almost anybody in the country and asked him where the post office was, he pointed behind him and there it was, right behind him. There you are, the big Z again.
the other kind of roadsigns, those that tell you about the condition of the road are almost non-existant. from time to time, after doing 50 kms on a winding, badly maintained, narrow mountain road with no signs at all beyond those selling expensive saris or gold jewelery or women's underwear, at the end of a long, straight, level stretch of road you will suddenly see an internationally recognised sign for a curve and nothing further for the next 50. I could live with that but all the signs extorting you to 'not drink and drive', 'speed kills", 'drive slow, arrive safely' etc are in English and very few drivers here can actually read English.
Two days ago I had a breakdown, the gas cable snapped and Paula (my crazy sister who has been riding around with me for the last two weeks) slowed quickly to a halt. Luckily I had spotted a "2 and 3 wheeler garage" a short time before so leaving Paula to guard the bike I hopped a ricksha and went back there. I told them what had happened and one of the mechanics put on his shirt, wrapped a bunch of tools in a newspaper and accompanied me back to the bike. After opening it half up he agreed that it was the gas cable and we, the riksha, the mechanic and I set off to find one. The first place didn't have it so the ricksha-wallah and I went to another place which had it (I bought a spare as well - you never know and at 25 rhp you cant go wrong). When we went back to collect the mechanic he wasn't there but we found him 50 meters down the road looking at the bike of a large Indian gentleman who turned to me and said, and I quote "Actually it was me who ordered the mechanic, he only tended to you because he saw you on the road as he was coming to me" I looked at him and smiled - You stupid lying fucking wanker! Do I look that stupid? Okay maybe I do but there is no call to take advantage of me. Anyway the mechanic couldn't do much for him there and taking his (the liar's) battery we were off to poor Paula again and 20 minutes and 120 rph later we were happily on our way again.
I leave it to you.
It is important to mention the animals first, and there are many animals of course; dogs, pigs, monkeys, an elephant! Chickens, crows, and of course the ever present supreme ruler of the road and anyplace else; The Sacred Cow! Cows have automatic right of way, after all, they are holy. And they take their right of way, they walk into the middle of the road with no consideration or care for vehicles of any size, shape, direction or speed. Sometimes they just stop in the middle of the road and in the early morning they are often found to be sleeping on the road as it is apparently warmer than not-road. You either have to wait for them to move - which may not be this week, or you can try to manouver around them which is not always easy with oncoming traffic. The Indian drivers are less considerate of the cows than most Westerners and bear down on them hooting loudly which the cows of course ignore. Somehow though, we do all manage to get round them and continue on our way. The dogs are in many ways worse than the cows which although they are sacred, are also terribly stupid and cowishly ignorant that anything is going on around them. The dogs however, seem, unlike dogs everywhere else, treat you the driver with absolute disdain and ignore you deliberately obviously hoping that as you near them you will panic, lose control and end up at the side of the road in a burning wreck - well that is the impression they give (as an aside let me say that it seems to me that the mdogs, usually reffered to as "pariah dogs" are becoming increasingly feral and in a couple of generations India will be flooded with their own homegrown variety of dingo - thats only my opinion of course but who knows the wonders of nature - the fuckers can be really agressive at night when you are alone). And a week ago on the road from cochin to Munnar we were passed by a work elephant dragging a log through the center of town (Don't ask how it passed us!).
Okay, now we come to simple rules of the road - traffic lights, stop signs, circles, right of way, driving on the left, policemen! All recommendations - you should never feel obliged to obey them - the Indians dont! As you drive along with your Israeli (Yes, even Israeli) driving habits of more often than not obeying the law, you are lost, you are non existant, are dead in the middle of the road! If there is a policeman around he will often look amazed that you are obeying some stupid rule such as keeping to the left lane even though the right one is empty! And if you are a traveller from a land where people do not look Indian and do not speak any of the 13 (!) local languages or 200 odd dialects you do not want to be involved in an accident - you are automatically to blame, no need to discuss this, its your fault because you are so very rich! You may get to a traffic light which is green and find that you are the only one who cares as other drivers cut you off from every direction, you may be driving along a highway (and I only call them highways because the locals do - some of them are like a back road leading to the back of beyond on the road less traveled) and you will meet a bus barreling down your lane as he overtakes a truck on a blind hairpin turn and all you can do is get off the road and hope there is a hard shoulder.
And of course there are roadsigns, generally those giving directions will be in English, not all the time of course but enough to help you (with a measure of Zen) to get to where you are going. But that is not enough so i will give you a couple of examples; two nights ago we arrived from Kottayam to Aleppi by ferry the tale of getting the Enfield on and off the ferry would be a chapter on its own and a picture being worth a thousand words I will try to send one) after dark when I dont usually like to drive as the Indians have to positions on their light switch, bright and off and they use them both at night. but we had been recommended a hotel by Uri ( we met him in Cochin where he had come to make sure his daughter was not having too good a time) and even though we were offered hotels nearby I insisted on going to Uris hotel, after all, he is an Israeli! (Never trust the recommendation of an Israeli over 30). So we phoned and they had an empty room and we were in. But where was the hotel? Oh, about 13 kms from here, just get on the National Highway and then turn left and ask. And I did, and without one wrong turn and after much twisting and winding and avoiding homicidal and suicidal Indians and negotiating a goat track on the banks of a river and all this in the dark we were there (and despite my recriminations against Uri it was a charming place with awesome food for my sister Paula, not for me) but it was not suitable for a stay of less than a week. how did I get there, I am certainly not the worlds best navigator. Zen!
And today I wanted to buy stamps so I hopped onto my trusty Enfield, drove about 3 kms and stopped by a ricksha driver (they know more about how to get there than almost anybody in the country and asked him where the post office was, he pointed behind him and there it was, right behind him. There you are, the big Z again.
the other kind of roadsigns, those that tell you about the condition of the road are almost non-existant. from time to time, after doing 50 kms on a winding, badly maintained, narrow mountain road with no signs at all beyond those selling expensive saris or gold jewelery or women's underwear, at the end of a long, straight, level stretch of road you will suddenly see an internationally recognised sign for a curve and nothing further for the next 50. I could live with that but all the signs extorting you to 'not drink and drive', 'speed kills", 'drive slow, arrive safely' etc are in English and very few drivers here can actually read English.
Two days ago I had a breakdown, the gas cable snapped and Paula (my crazy sister who has been riding around with me for the last two weeks) slowed quickly to a halt. Luckily I had spotted a "2 and 3 wheeler garage" a short time before so leaving Paula to guard the bike I hopped a ricksha and went back there. I told them what had happened and one of the mechanics put on his shirt, wrapped a bunch of tools in a newspaper and accompanied me back to the bike. After opening it half up he agreed that it was the gas cable and we, the riksha, the mechanic and I set off to find one. The first place didn't have it so the ricksha-wallah and I went to another place which had it (I bought a spare as well - you never know and at 25 rhp you cant go wrong). When we went back to collect the mechanic he wasn't there but we found him 50 meters down the road looking at the bike of a large Indian gentleman who turned to me and said, and I quote "Actually it was me who ordered the mechanic, he only tended to you because he saw you on the road as he was coming to me" I looked at him and smiled - You stupid lying fucking wanker! Do I look that stupid? Okay maybe I do but there is no call to take advantage of me. Anyway the mechanic couldn't do much for him there and taking his (the liar's) battery we were off to poor Paula again and 20 minutes and 120 rph later we were happily on our way again.
I leave it to you.
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